Monday June 20, 2016

When I looked on the time, it was 05:30 ᴀ.ᴍ. (now is a half an hour later). Sometimes I woke up earlier than usually - by myself, without apparent reason. Today is interesting because I got up even earlier than before. Moreover, I’ve already found myself not sleeping for quite a while. I have only my glimpses of a forgotten dream, flashes... and I have “my” storm outside the window, so far it seems small, but maybe it will grow.

I find this particular morning climatic. Air is more fresh and brisk. It looks like raining a little and there is much less light (usually when I wake up is pretty bright light). But today my beginning of the day is situated in the aura I like: it has this “air of... peace”? Someway it resembles my past mornings, surprisingly I feel like long time ago, when I felt much more safe and comfortable. Today I find myself so detached... lonely and sad. Not always of course, there are times of a better mood. Maybe I am even wrong about this comparison, because in the past I was also sad - and it wasn’t a rare occurrence; the only difference was the reason. In the past I felt sad because I lived alone and without any knowledge or even premise that I will find my “Second Half”, the Love of my life, so to speak. Today, living with Her for a long while now, I feel sad because of other reasons. Circumstances, the individual path of spiritual growth which I think I myself have chosen on the higher plan. This path is not easy and that - to make a long story short - makes me sad.

What is interesting, it looks like I’ll meet somebody new the day after tomorrow. This is a surprise for me because I’m still an outsider and meeting new people is very rare for me. But I find this perspective interesting, because it brings variety. Maybe in some way it will help me at least in terms of the loneliness...

I’m hearing balmy sounds of the storm outside, pleasant sounds... And that little strange feeling of “meeting myself from the past”. I also feel much “slower” because of short sleep. But I didn’t want to get more tired while I couldn’t sleep. At most I will take a nap at the desk, watching something before. I feel physically tired, but the aura outside is consoling. I’m grateful for that, and also because I have coffee nearby... a hot one, maybe it’s already good to drink...? :) I very much like coffee, Evelyn... Eve, Eve... I missed You. I don’t see Your figure but I feel You are by my side... I think I’ve realized of Your presence which is the reason I feel this strange feeling like I would be meeting with my-past-self. Hello, Evelyn... do whatever You want with me, please, maybe You’ll help. I don’t care about existing, I rather... give myself away, although the hands around me aren’t alien. This is You, this is The Universe, this is even I, myself. Hello everyone...

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