Tuesday March 8, 2016

The other day I felt sad and alone, Evelyn... I recalled telling somebody that people come to meet my knowledge - not me. That way I wasn’t able “to touch” anyone’s Soul, so to speak - for a long time...

Sad and alone... Evelyn, sometimes I sense people like they would be artificial- not real. Lifeless, “flat”, puppet-like... mechanical. More or less convincing illusion - like someone would want me to believe they are real - although they seem not to be. It resembles a theatre, or a play maybe... But the main consequence of that impression is magnified loneliness within me.

Besides - regarding all of this, artificial people as well as artificial reality (like Einstein’s “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”) - sometimes I feel like I am locked within this mind. Is it possible for You to release me, Eve? That impression is tiring... artificial people are tiring, too... all those scenes, circumstances... As You know, sometimes I feel more tired than another time.

Shadows’ theatre... and that particular scene from What Dreams May Come - that artificial, small world created on the other side for suicide woman’s purpose, remember? Occasionally this picture (or vision) seems to be quite appropriate to render how I currently perceive this lifetime. Dead. Artificial. Not real. Only remains.

So, Evelyn, I recall those lyrics - if I remember correctly, by Emma Hewitt...:

“In the fallout of the wasted, in the halflight
I stand before you in the last dance of an old life…
Now the cool wind’s blowing and we can’t stay, but it’s alright…
When the night is gone I will still be here…”

I never came across words which would move me so much, which would be so... precise, so accurate (regarding my experience). “Fallout of the wasted” (which I see everyday, although usually I don’t pay attention to it), “the last dance of an old life” (oh, sometimes I feel like it would be very slow death, extended in time; like fading shadows which once were reality), “the cool wind’s blowing” (loneliness, that strong feeling of being alone - plus variety of hard circumstances when it’s harder to remember friendly Universe), “we can’t stay, but it’s alright…” (I would want to stay, Evelyn... but I feel forced to wait and, being honest, I don’t feel so much toward one particular track - life here or there - I rather long for Peace...), “When the night is gone” (sometimes I check if this time is already here... or to determine, what in fact I experience: day or night...?).

Now, this is not so important where I am - much more important is to come back to Peace, to myself - regardless of any outside thing, scenery, reality - because the only “real reality” for me is me myself, it is “inside me”, “within me” - or it is me. So for me various realities lost their power for deeper understanding or insight where the truth lies. I direct my Inner Sight there, Evelyn - calling myself, calling the Peace, calling the rest...

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