Thursday November 12, 2015

I had a peculiar dream, Evelyn... As You know, I rarely experience this kind of dreams - or maybe I rarely remember them. Usually my dreams are mundane and/or abstract and cubistic. But when a peculiar dream happens - it usually draws my attention and make me wonder on its meaning. This time, however, I had doubts if it is worth sharing - because I can’t find anything valuable in it. On the other hand it is quite unique and peculiar - that alone makes this dream interesting. So let me tell You this... although this is only a part of the story - because only this I still remember.

Just before the main thread I was in a different scene. It seemed like I met my classmate (who I knew in the physical reality) and I asked her if she knows some comfortable way to commit suicide. She recommended a particular place, I think she even gave me its name. And then I found myself in another scene - in this very place she was referring to.

The place was located in the countryside. I believe it was a village, but the particular spot where I was - was a barn. Rather larger than a smaller one. I believe this barn belonged to the elderly couple, who were running that “venture” (I call it “a venture” for the lack of a better term).

This was “the suicide barn” - because of the purpose of this building. The place was intended to be a private, intimate space for every person wanting to commit suicide. What else I remember is that the woman’s attitude was very... kind. She cared much about all of this to be proceeded the right way (the whole procedure). It seemed like her aim was to do a good deed for them - in the aura of kindness and gentleness.

The procedure.

The couple had many “clients”. Anyone who was interested went to the barn, took the special potion and waited for their own death in peace. Later I was told that it takes half an hour to take ultimate effect - and that’s it: the body was removed. I also had an impression that people went to the barn both singly and in a group.

The potion looked like water, served in glasses. The only characteristic thing was the mysterious objects floating in the water, motionless. There were several of them per glass. They were blade-of-grass-shaped, striped, and had a tropical, intense colors. In the beginning I thought it is a matter of some pills - but I don’t remember any pills, just that drink.

An interesting thing is that I wasn’t really interested in committing suicide at the time (visiting that place). I was rather like a tourist: visiting and watching. I was engaged to that degree when I even tasted a little bit of the potion (!) - but only out of the curiosity, not for the effect.

Questions and answers.

After that there was something I could call “Q&A session” conducted by the couple I’ve mentioned. I suppose there were more people than me myself in the audience section. I was especially interested in the question of possible discomfort after taking the potion. I asked if it is followed by any pain? And the answer was weird, although I haven’t realized that at the time: there isn’t any pain - all You need is just wait about half an hour. However, if You take the potion in different context (outside of the barn and whole procedure) You will experience a lot of painful sensations - lasting longer amount of time, although not causing death. After I heard that I became deeply concerned that I’ve drunk a little of it. So I asked if would it be that way too - I suppose the answer was “no, it shouldn’t”.

But the explanation given inspires to think: what does it mean? I could associate it with the intention: that Your intention of taking the potion is the key-factor influencing the following result. In this dream I had an impression that the elderly couple do good deeds to those people (“clients”). It looked like the people who want to commit suicide in fact do some good deed for yourself. It hadn’t a negative aura around it - like depression, tiredness, misery, and so on. It was like: whatever Your motives are, You have Your right to follow Your heart and go home when You have no more strength or willpower, or whatever what could make You capable to lead Your life on Earth. So if You wanted “to take the chance” and move Yourself from the one plan of existence to another - instead of being painful, it was totally comfortable and easy. However, if You did it the same - but from any other reason without that sincere will to help yourself - the pain followed.

P.S.: I remember one more thing: the service price (because it had a price, although it seemed like the couple didn’t want to price it highly in order to make their service widely available - so they used pricing rather symbolically than to make serious money). The price was about 20 dollars.

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